Always the two extremes

If it is not rewind, it is fast forward. Why I could not get it to just play? Why it has to be rewind? Why it has to be fast forward?

Judgement is deadly.

No matter, it will still be played.

A goal, a dream, that I hope will become true

Recently, I read a book, a very powerful book that taught me “positive thinking” is not enough. I need to have “power thinking”. Without “power thinking”, where I want to go and where I want to be, will be tough. Duh.

Anyway, just as it taught me that, it also taught me to have a goal, a reasonable one that is  charitable or in another word, a goal that not just helps yourself but others too…

I thought about it. Long and hard. It sounds lame really but what do I care for the world’s opinions? I want to have my cake and eat it too. The ambition might not be able to save a lot of lives nor cure cancer but then I am throwing this hell of a party, free for my friends! How much more awesomer can it get?

So, drum roll please, a goal out of my many goals and dreams, is to be able to set up a dance floor that all my friends can enjoy, what else, dancing of course!

Therefore, for this to be true, I will need plenty of stuff and money, so this goal will drive me. It will be my motivation.

Okay. Here it is, a quickly scrambled (read, adhoc) list of stuff I will need and the associated cost with it.

1. Bose sound system = $350,000

2. A famous DJ (Tiesto? David Guetta? DJ Shadow? Fat Boy Slim? David Morales? Jim Burgess? Judge Jules? Oakenfold? Van Dyk? Mark Doyle?) = $850,000 (invitation for a day, possibly 2 days?)

3. A bungalow house with a renovated basement suited for a dance floor scene as well as a medium sized bar, located in a suburban or city area, preferably in KL = $8,500,000

4. Supplies of top notch liquor, wine, beer and other beverages as well a bar tender = $250,000

5. Friends. Lots of friends. Friends that love to dance. Or love to drink. Or love to drink and dance. Or love to watch people drink and dance. I don’t care. It is just gonna be a heck of a party.

So, there you have it. It is going to take me about a cool $10,000,000 SGD. Hmm.. I am going to start now!

Oh and if you have any ideas that you think I should include in that list, feel free to drop me a word. Cheers!

Go back to where we were

I have always thought positive. I have always advised people with positive thinking. I have always advocated positive thinking. Talking is easy. Writing easier. But. When it comes to real life, face to face, at the spur of the moment, it becomes a Herculean task, a task that is beyond me.

Recently, a realization dawned on me. Unfortunately, it is not a good nor worthy realization. What came onto me was that, I lived a life full of regrets.

Some might say a few of those regrets are not my choice. Of course, it is not my choice but I still have to be responsible. Responsible not to them but to myself.

What have been done can not be undone. Time will never roll back. I will never have a second chance. Once that second ticked away, it is gone. Forever.

In those seconds that ticked, I was a fool. Both to me and to people close to me. I was fooled too. I will not blame those that fooled me. It is my fault, my responsibility because I allowed them to fool  me.

Yet, the consequences, the thoughts, the aftershocks are felt, perhaps, eternally.

Paranoia. Phobia. Afraid. Scared.

Fear.

It haunts me.

It cripples me.

People said, I am a good boyfriend. I have potential to be someone great. I am eloquent. I am smart.

Do I?

If people say I have come a long, long way, then I will say yes I did but I do not know where I am right now.

Lost. There is no direction.

Where am I going?

I loved. I did. Not just once. It bit me.

The scars are there. Sometimes I was the one asking to be bitten. I grew smart, slowly. To avoid getting bitten. But.

There is always a but.

Those that bite you without you knowing. When the poison had seeped too deep. The damage is done. The scar, it is permanent. Life have to go on with it. A mark. On the forehead. Nobody can see it but when there is a mirror, it is there.

The hardest part? Reminders are every where, every time, every one.

I loved her. I do. I was childish. I knew. But.

But again.

Too late. Chances have been given, tears had fallen, words spoken and fate happened. Has it?

I love her. I do. I was paranoid. I knew. But.

Is it too late? Are there mistakes? Does she know?

Do I forget?

Do I move on?

Do I carry it forever?

I do not know. I will never know.

I do know one thing. I regretted.

Too late.

The end is here.

I love you. I do.

Home is where the heart is

It has been a roller coaster Chinese New Year (CNY) 2011 for me. For starters, this was the longest period that I am at home. For almost a week, I am anchored right at home. I can not say it is not boring at times when I can hear laughter and crowd noises coming from neighbor’s houses.

To make matters worse, on the second day of CNY, I got sick, down with flu and I know it is going to affect my throat soon, so I jumped the gun and get my medicines from the local clinic that I used to go for my MCs. heh. Anyway, it was a fruitful venture for now, at this moment, I can safely say I have by passed the most common virus that affects human every where.

Though, I have to say I am a little unwilling to leave my home now that I have been here for the past 6 days. It was very comfortable and homely, of course. Anyway, staying is not the better choice for me right now for I am on a venture of greatness and wealth at Singapore. I have to say, I will miss my home, so much.

Been sleeping late, lately, literally. My girlfriend is probably wondering why I have not text her yet. I miss her so much too.

Life still has to go on. This tune pretty much sums up my feeling right now. 4.10am in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Cheers!

Job at the Firmenich

Yes, that is the name of the company, Firmenich. Firmenich Asia Pte Ltd anyway.

Well, this company initially had us set up a green back-drop of a bench sit at their canteen. Now, they wanted to have a library room with this “green” motive. So they have us set up a vertical wall of green grasses. It was not too hard a job because they gave us plenty of room to work in and luckily the wall is square. Or rectangle, if you measure it to the edge.

Anyway, it just a standard job. Measure, cut, paste, nail, joint and brush. Voila, there you have it, your vertical run of the mill green-grass wall. Too bad I couldn’t see the end effect, where they have these people install shelves on the grass itself. It would look pretty cool, in my opinion.

Before

 

Oh Green wall!

 

 

Insta-Noodles, staple food

Life here is boring. I will not lie to you. It is so true.

Though, I believe 60% of it is probably I suck at making friends or I make people don’t want to be friend with me… Oh woe. I can get used to the loneliness, been lonely for quite some time already, what’s another 50 years to go?

Anyway, life here is even more boring now that the landlord forbids me to cook just as when I discovered an interest in cooking. All hope are lost, all glitter are gone, all excitement are crushed.  Thank you very much, madam.

So what happen then? At least I can cook light meals whenever she is not using the kitchen. Here, let me show you some of the unhealthy food that I am consuming here but damn, they are quite tasty!

Quite tasty, this bee hoon or some call it Rice Vermicelli

I am a self confessed instant noodle junkie, yes sir. Here’s another bowl that I just made today. Bonus with scrambled egg that I made with the new small frying pan I bought from Daiso.

Dry noodle! My favourite type of insta-noodles

Was at the EPSC or is it EPCS?

So today I was at this place in Clarke Quay to do my Employment Pass or in short, EP. The place was far off from what I had expected and it is so much different from the Work Permit and S-Pass application center at Tanjong Pagar.

Anyway, the place is quite big with lots of angmohs and those rich snob Indians. I was surprised that this was the place for EP. It really feels like the Singapore Government is segregating those holding the lower passes.

None the less, this place featured a prominent name calling system that displayed your name in full when it is your turn to get to the counter.

They're looking for you!

 

Next up, this place have these life-sized placards of a human female, telling you where to go and what to do… Isn’t that just awesome compared to that place in Tanjong Pagar!?

You, do not pass Go, go directly there

 

After that, you get to this “chamber” where you have all these kiosk waiting for you… Basically you scan the bar code on the letter that you brought along and the system will register your presence, so that they know who you are, where you live, what you like to eat, what is your blood type, which leg you put in first when you wear your pants and whether you masturbated to those really sick porn.

omg that life size thing is every where...

 

And then probably you won’t expect this… There are children toys here as well! Damn it, they really go too far here! What if you are a Work Permit holder with about 4 or 5 children!? You had to leave them outside that building in Tanjong Pagar whereas the people here can bring ‘em along and let them play with those plushy toys… Damn segregation!

Toys for your retarded children...

 

Finally, you get served by these people who are exceptionally courteous and helpful. Unlike those aunties at Tanjong Pagar that goes “Faster lah! Got the form or not? If no got then go back India lah!”

Dude at work. Don't disturb 'em.

 

Last but not least this place has some nice views too believe it or not. In fact, right down one of the windows-walls you can see the fabled Clarke Quay river where countless people had vomited into and probably a few drunkard drowned as well. Don’t mind the crappy looking water though.

The river with a bridge. What else do you expect? A viking? A calender? A retard? All of the above!?

 

Anyway, I am coming back here again on next Monday to get another card, yet for my bulging wallet. I heard a big wallet causes major damages on the ass. Oh well…